I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
