I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were trust falling into bushes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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