So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
