I want to make a zoo with you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
