My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
