She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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