I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
