I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if only i could text you this smell
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
