I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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