its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
