i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
