My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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