A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
