I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
