You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
