I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
