Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
