Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
