dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
