At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
