i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
