nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
