Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
