it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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