we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im holly from the hills drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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