Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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