Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
