its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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