There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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