I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
