She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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