So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
