well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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