I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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