Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
