i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
