he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
