Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
