For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
please don't ironically join a cult
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