yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
