me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
