I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
