i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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