This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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