i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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