found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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