Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
