I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
