i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FUCK WHALES
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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