found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
