yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
