sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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