I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
