I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
